Minister’s Column for May 2020


Dear Ones:

I hope and trust you are well. I write these words as we begin approaching the end of April. The COVID-19 infection curve in Connecticut appears to be flattening at this time, though the data isn’t consistent enough for us to know for sure. I am hopeful that by the time you read this we’ll have slightly greater clarity. And I am hopeful that as we enter more fully into May, we’ll start to hear reasonable, scientifically-based predictions of when we might safely open our meeting house to more regular activity.

Having said this, please know I don’t expect we will be able to resume regular activity in the very near future. Some statistical models suggest July as an earliest possible time. Others suggest much, much later. There are still so many unknowns. Even when we finally are able to return, we will likely do it in phases. Only small meetings at first, always with social distancing. Safety will be our highest priority. Can we return safely? What is our definition of safety? How will we measure safety? These will be our questions. Even though return is likely still many months away, the UUS:E Policy Board will begin discussing return scenarios at its May meeting. We want to be ready when the time comes.

For now, we continue in lockdown. We continue with social distancing. We continue trying to figure out how to be of service to those who are struggling. We continue trying to figure out how to live in this strange, isolating reality. In my pastoral conversations with many of you, and in my small group meetings and virtual office hours, I often ask the question, What are you looking forward to? Some of you respond that you are looking forward to online gatherings with family and friends, favorite TV shows, going outside for a hike, moments of creativity. Some of you respond with “I’m looking forward to going back to UUS:E!” Understandably, some of you have trouble answering the question. Especially now that we’re two months into the lockdown and the days and weeks are starting to blur together, it’s sometimes hard to know what we’re looking forward to. There’s another question I am starting to ask, which is a more difficult question to answer. What are you grieving? I started asking this question when I recognized that my oldest son turned 18 in April. That fact alone is hard to believe. But turning 18 feels like such a milestone. It signifies a transition to adulthood. There should be some public right-of-passage. High school graduation? Well, he’ll graduate, but it won’t be the quintessential high school graduation. There won’t be a public celebration. There won’t be a big party. I realized I am grieving the loss of this moment in his life. I was looking forward to it. As his parent, it’s my achievement too. It’s my time to feel pride. I’ve lost that.

I’m sure you’ve lost something to COVID-19 too. Or perhaps you’ve lost someone to COVID-19. What is the content of your grief? It’s important to ask what we’re looking forward to. Answering that question keeps us hopeful. But I don’t want to underestimate the loss we are also experiencing. We know it is good and right to grieve when we experience loss. We know it is spiritually healthy to feel the loss to its fullest, to let it live in us so that we can learn to live with it. So I ask you this questions as well: What have you lost? As always, I am available to talk further with you about this. I welcome your calls or emails. And I also encourage you to talk to each other. Naming our losses is part of the healing. And, ultimately, it will be part of our return to our beloved meeting house on West Vernon St. in Manchester.

With much love and care,

—Rev. Josh